Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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