dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
