you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
