OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
