I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
