Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
