That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
