these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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