Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
