Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
