I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
