everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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