im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
