I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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