I feel great
I just peed on a car
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
