The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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