What did we do last night that was yellow?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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