You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
