Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
