I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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