we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
