I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
