Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
