just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
