You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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