Define "chronic" masturbator.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
