Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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