After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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