that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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