you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
