Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
