3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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