theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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