If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
