And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're too hungover to prance.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
