spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
