Screwed.edu
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
and you fell through a lawn chair
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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