Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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