Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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