If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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