FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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