You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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