She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
