This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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