life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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