So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
