I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
