he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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