when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
