There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
