watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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