you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
